Tuesday, 17 April 2012
Closed Doors
Last week was a roller coaster in our lives. I went from preparing for a long awaited pregnancy because i had recieved a clean bill of health to being told that the only expectation we can have of natural children is IVF. Our son was a miracle when we didn't know we needed one. I am trying hard to hold on to my faith that God can still do a miracle in our life and that he is ultimately in control. Dave and I are open to IVF and/or adoption, but it will be about 3-5 years before we can een tihnk about persuing these options. Financial stability is even more imoprtant and neccesary if we persue these options. Right now I find that I am grieveing all over again. Things are pretty mellow in our home right now, escept for the excitement and challenges that come with having a three year old. I was doing very well before we got this news, but between that and tweeking my meds I have been struggling with depression and anxiety again this week and my insomnia has been pretty bad. With not having to worry about getting pregnant I think I'll just tell the psychiatrist to put me back to the drugs and doses I was att since they were working so well. I know that at anytime all we can do is take life one day at a time, but right now it is moment by moment.
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Small Beginnings
Hello All,
Like many who start blogging, I don't really expect anyone to read this, but as I journal anyway, at least everything will be in one spot.
I am married and have a 3 year old son. I grew up in ON and spent a year and a half in SK for college and now we live in BC. My dad was a truck driver and I have been to all but 3 of the American states and have been to all but the eastern provinces and the territories. I love to travel and have been camping and hiking for literally longer than I can remember. I was born in the city, but spent most of my life on a little hobby farm in rural ON. I am a country girl at heart; strong, independent, loyal, a little rough around the edges. My heritage is Mennonite and Irish. I like to say I wasn't Irish enough for one Grampa or Mennonite enough for the other, but I was still loved by both.
Ultimately, I have no idea what this will turn into, but I chose the name Heart Strings for my blog because my writing is where I pour out my thoughts and wrestle with things that are really important... things close to my heart. Sometimes it's about how I parent, sometimes it's about my marriage and other family relationships, and sometimes it's about things God is teaching me.
Lately life has been less than boring. Of course with a three year old son that goes with out saying. But our excitement, as it were, has involved much more than our toddler's antics. My husband is trying to finish up his Master's and we have been trying to get pregnant with our second child. I have been dealing with some major health issues that have me in pain almost daily, to the point I needed morphine. Things with both of our parents are always complicated and not just when dealing with the typical in-law issues, though there are enough of those too. To say that money is tight would be an understatement and both my husband and I deal with depression. So looking at all this and looking at how I dealt with similar circumstances, I should be a wreck right now. So what's different now?
Over the past 7 years I have been part of a church where I am known. I left my family back east and things with my in-laws are dicey at best, but here I have found a family that knows, loves and supports me. Since this fall specifically I have gotten re-involved in our women's Bible study. In the fall we did a study on the fruit of the Spirit and now we are in the middle of a study on Ephesians. Peaceful is not a word that most people would choose to describe me; not my circumstances or my approach or perspective to life. But both these studies have focused on God's peace and how he is the source and giver of it. I go for surgery in a week and I have no concrete answers as to the out come, but I, who struggle daily with depression and anxiety, am at peace. God's peace is said to be the peace that passes all understanding. I have finally known this peace and it is only one of the many gifts God has given me and will continue to give me in the future. I can't say that I have learned to live everyday in this peace, but i do thank God for small beginnings.
Like many who start blogging, I don't really expect anyone to read this, but as I journal anyway, at least everything will be in one spot.
I am married and have a 3 year old son. I grew up in ON and spent a year and a half in SK for college and now we live in BC. My dad was a truck driver and I have been to all but 3 of the American states and have been to all but the eastern provinces and the territories. I love to travel and have been camping and hiking for literally longer than I can remember. I was born in the city, but spent most of my life on a little hobby farm in rural ON. I am a country girl at heart; strong, independent, loyal, a little rough around the edges. My heritage is Mennonite and Irish. I like to say I wasn't Irish enough for one Grampa or Mennonite enough for the other, but I was still loved by both.
Ultimately, I have no idea what this will turn into, but I chose the name Heart Strings for my blog because my writing is where I pour out my thoughts and wrestle with things that are really important... things close to my heart. Sometimes it's about how I parent, sometimes it's about my marriage and other family relationships, and sometimes it's about things God is teaching me.
Lately life has been less than boring. Of course with a three year old son that goes with out saying. But our excitement, as it were, has involved much more than our toddler's antics. My husband is trying to finish up his Master's and we have been trying to get pregnant with our second child. I have been dealing with some major health issues that have me in pain almost daily, to the point I needed morphine. Things with both of our parents are always complicated and not just when dealing with the typical in-law issues, though there are enough of those too. To say that money is tight would be an understatement and both my husband and I deal with depression. So looking at all this and looking at how I dealt with similar circumstances, I should be a wreck right now. So what's different now?
Over the past 7 years I have been part of a church where I am known. I left my family back east and things with my in-laws are dicey at best, but here I have found a family that knows, loves and supports me. Since this fall specifically I have gotten re-involved in our women's Bible study. In the fall we did a study on the fruit of the Spirit and now we are in the middle of a study on Ephesians. Peaceful is not a word that most people would choose to describe me; not my circumstances or my approach or perspective to life. But both these studies have focused on God's peace and how he is the source and giver of it. I go for surgery in a week and I have no concrete answers as to the out come, but I, who struggle daily with depression and anxiety, am at peace. God's peace is said to be the peace that passes all understanding. I have finally known this peace and it is only one of the many gifts God has given me and will continue to give me in the future. I can't say that I have learned to live everyday in this peace, but i do thank God for small beginnings.
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